This is a little something I wrote as one of the challenges in The Next Great Horror Writer Contest which I think gives you a little glimpse into my brand of humor along with some insight into me. The Challenge was to interview yourself. I lost this challenge since this was supposed to be something serious like a real interview but I thought the challenge was silly so I did it in a fashion I felt was appropriate. It makes me chuckle which makes it the best candidate I have for my first post on this new site! Enjoy!
Feind Gottes – Interviewer (hereafter referred to as F1): So let’s get this out of the way first, tell the good people who you are and what you do.
Feind Gottes – Horror Writer (hereafter referred to as F2): My name is Feind Gottes, pronounced Fee-nd Gots, as you well know. I am a former serial killer who retired into writing because I just couldn’t kill people fast enough for my liking. I mean even on a good day I could kill maybe two or three people but with writing I can kill dozens, hundreds even millions if I want to in a matter of seconds! I mean who wouldn’t love to do that, am I right? High Five!
F1: Serial killer huh? Umm, how many people did you kill?
F2: No one in law enforcement is going to read this?
F1: I highly doubt it. I think they stick to mostly romance novels and such.
F2: Okay, good. Honestly I can’t be sure of the exact number, I did black out a few times but if I have to guess I’d say twenty three sounds about right. Oh wait… hang on… sorry, Vinnie says it’s more like twenty eight.
F1: Vinnie?
F2: I’m sorry I guess I forgot to introduce you. Vinnie [Feind points to an empty chair] this is Feind, Feind meet Vinnie.
F1: Umm, I guess… hello Vinnie.
F2: Vinnie don’t be rude say hello to the nice man. No, no he isn’t going to eat you I promise. [Feind cups a hand to his mouth whispering into the air] Later Vinnie let him finish his questions first then we can eat him. [Feind sits back straight in his chair] Sorry about all that. Vinnie promises to keep quiet while we talk.
Feind Gottes – Horror Writer (hereafter referred to as F2): My name is Feind Gottes, pronounced Fee-nd Gots, as you well know. I am a former serial killer who retired into writing because I just couldn’t kill people fast enough for my liking. I mean even on a good day I could kill maybe two or three people but with writing I can kill dozens, hundreds even millions if I want to in a matter of seconds! I mean who wouldn’t love to do that, am I right? High Five!
F1: Serial killer huh? Umm, how many people did you kill?
F2: No one in law enforcement is going to read this?
F1: I highly doubt it. I think they stick to mostly romance novels and such.
F2: Okay, good. Honestly I can’t be sure of the exact number, I did black out a few times but if I have to guess I’d say twenty three sounds about right. Oh wait… hang on… sorry, Vinnie says it’s more like twenty eight.
F1: Vinnie?
F2: I’m sorry I guess I forgot to introduce you. Vinnie [Feind points to an empty chair] this is Feind, Feind meet Vinnie.
F1: Umm, I guess… hello Vinnie.
F2: Vinnie don’t be rude say hello to the nice man. No, no he isn’t going to eat you I promise. [Feind cups a hand to his mouth whispering into the air] Later Vinnie let him finish his questions first then we can eat him. [Feind sits back straight in his chair] Sorry about all that. Vinnie promises to keep quiet while we talk.
F1: Oookay. Well, umm, my readers would like to know what do your writing habits consist of? Any rituals?
F2: It’s really rather droll but if your adoring fans must know I suppose I can spill the beans. It’s nothing elaborate really. First, I should probably state that I write in my dungeon, erm… basement. I start by drawing a large circle around the pentagram I carved into the concrete floor years ago. Then I light a candle placing one at each point of the pentagram. It’s pretty simple from there, I remove one of the girls from her cage and make her lie down naked on the pentagram. Of course, then I have to nail down her hands and feet because they always make a run for the door. You know how women are, am I right? Anyway, then I read some verses in Latin, slit the girl’s throat and wait for the doorway to hell to open. Once that’s all done I’m ready to write. I know, I know it sounds rather tedious and boring but we all have our little idiosyncrasies.
F1: I think that’s probably a little more elaborate than, uh, most other writers. I meant do you listen to music or something like that?
F2: Sorry, too long winded? Well, music is a must. I forgot to mention that during the sacrifice I have some recorded chanting that I play but it’s really just mood music not necessary for the ritual. While I’m writing I absolutely must listen to the most evil, vile songs that mankind has ever produced.
F1: So like some black metal?
F2: Oh, God no! Mostly Justin Bieber or like One Direction or something. Pretty much any boy band will suffice but I do mix in some country or rap sometimes. Black metal? That’s funny! No, Satan loves that stuff or some good death metal but pop music, rap, country… that stuff has him crying like a baby. It’s awful really. I mean you should see Satan cry, he’s such a little bitch.
F1: You don’t listen to it for inspiration?
F2: Satan crying IS inspirational! Then y’know the caged chicks are always screaming and wailing so I guess you could call them an inspiration too. Mostly it’s just Satan crying that really sets the mood. Gets me in the right headspace y’know?
F1: Wow! I really wasn’t expecting all this, umm, information. How about we switch gears a little? I hear you have a short story coming out, can you tell us a little about that?
F2: It’s really rather droll but if your adoring fans must know I suppose I can spill the beans. It’s nothing elaborate really. First, I should probably state that I write in my dungeon, erm… basement. I start by drawing a large circle around the pentagram I carved into the concrete floor years ago. Then I light a candle placing one at each point of the pentagram. It’s pretty simple from there, I remove one of the girls from her cage and make her lie down naked on the pentagram. Of course, then I have to nail down her hands and feet because they always make a run for the door. You know how women are, am I right? Anyway, then I read some verses in Latin, slit the girl’s throat and wait for the doorway to hell to open. Once that’s all done I’m ready to write. I know, I know it sounds rather tedious and boring but we all have our little idiosyncrasies.
F1: I think that’s probably a little more elaborate than, uh, most other writers. I meant do you listen to music or something like that?
F2: Sorry, too long winded? Well, music is a must. I forgot to mention that during the sacrifice I have some recorded chanting that I play but it’s really just mood music not necessary for the ritual. While I’m writing I absolutely must listen to the most evil, vile songs that mankind has ever produced.
F1: So like some black metal?
F2: Oh, God no! Mostly Justin Bieber or like One Direction or something. Pretty much any boy band will suffice but I do mix in some country or rap sometimes. Black metal? That’s funny! No, Satan loves that stuff or some good death metal but pop music, rap, country… that stuff has him crying like a baby. It’s awful really. I mean you should see Satan cry, he’s such a little bitch.
F1: You don’t listen to it for inspiration?
F2: Satan crying IS inspirational! Then y’know the caged chicks are always screaming and wailing so I guess you could call them an inspiration too. Mostly it’s just Satan crying that really sets the mood. Gets me in the right headspace y’know?
F1: Wow! I really wasn’t expecting all this, umm, information. How about we switch gears a little? I hear you have a short story coming out, can you tell us a little about that?
F2: Absolutely! The book is an anthology from Hellbound Books Publishing called Demons, Devils & Denizens of Hell with an official release date of August 4th with pre-orders available on Amazon now.
When I saw the open call I knew I was a perfect fit, natch. I’m proud that my story sits second to last in the book between the excellent authors Thomas S. Gunther and Nik Kerry. I should also mention the anthology was compiled and edited by award-winning and best-selling author P. Mattern who also has a story in the anthology along with her son, Marcus.
My contribution is called “Coven of Ignorance” which is about four teenagers and their wannabe warlock leader who try to summon a demon. When the ritual is done the demon is nowhere to be found though. The group splits up to search and that is when chaos ensues. Those with queasy stomachs may not enjoy the ending but if you like a little blood and guts you should be very satisfied. Also it’s a good lesson for the kids, don’t summon demons if you don’t know what you’re doing!
F1: Did you do any research for the story?
F2: At first no, as with 99% of my ideas I began with a simple idea, teenagers summon a demon, and then I began to write. Obviously, I know a few rituals but as I began developing the story I had to decide what demon the kids were going to summon and the how. When writing about demons a writer can simply make something up, after all that’s what we do, but what I like to do is look up information on “real” demons and decide which one fits the story I’m trying to write. After a few hours of reading demon names and what their supposed power or providence was, I settled on a demon known as Namtar. You can look up more about Namtar but essentially he is a demon of disease. Since I had titled the story “Coven of Ignorance” I also started looking up information on witchcraft and witches. That is when I stumbled upon the bizarre story of a Scottish witch, Isobel Gowdie. Gowdie was supposedly killed in 1662 but some believe the church was actually afraid to execute her. When she was questioned by Inquisitors she scared the pants off them. She told them how she had married Satan in a church, killed Christians for fun, practiced witchcraft and that the King and Queen of the fairies taught her to fly. There was a bunch of other craziness too so after I read that I knew I had to work her in somehow. In order to accomplish that I had the leader of the coven use Gowdie’s spell book or grimoire to perform the ritual.
When I saw the open call I knew I was a perfect fit, natch. I’m proud that my story sits second to last in the book between the excellent authors Thomas S. Gunther and Nik Kerry. I should also mention the anthology was compiled and edited by award-winning and best-selling author P. Mattern who also has a story in the anthology along with her son, Marcus.
My contribution is called “Coven of Ignorance” which is about four teenagers and their wannabe warlock leader who try to summon a demon. When the ritual is done the demon is nowhere to be found though. The group splits up to search and that is when chaos ensues. Those with queasy stomachs may not enjoy the ending but if you like a little blood and guts you should be very satisfied. Also it’s a good lesson for the kids, don’t summon demons if you don’t know what you’re doing!
F1: Did you do any research for the story?
F2: At first no, as with 99% of my ideas I began with a simple idea, teenagers summon a demon, and then I began to write. Obviously, I know a few rituals but as I began developing the story I had to decide what demon the kids were going to summon and the how. When writing about demons a writer can simply make something up, after all that’s what we do, but what I like to do is look up information on “real” demons and decide which one fits the story I’m trying to write. After a few hours of reading demon names and what their supposed power or providence was, I settled on a demon known as Namtar. You can look up more about Namtar but essentially he is a demon of disease. Since I had titled the story “Coven of Ignorance” I also started looking up information on witchcraft and witches. That is when I stumbled upon the bizarre story of a Scottish witch, Isobel Gowdie. Gowdie was supposedly killed in 1662 but some believe the church was actually afraid to execute her. When she was questioned by Inquisitors she scared the pants off them. She told them how she had married Satan in a church, killed Christians for fun, practiced witchcraft and that the King and Queen of the fairies taught her to fly. There was a bunch of other craziness too so after I read that I knew I had to work her in somehow. In order to accomplish that I had the leader of the coven use Gowdie’s spell book or grimoire to perform the ritual.
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F1: Wow that must take some time, how long does it usually take you to write a story from start to finish?
F2: That’s more of a tricky question. It really depends on the length of a particular story. It all starts with the idea. Sometimes I’ll sit and brainstorm several ideas in a row just to see what sticks in my head. I’ve had sessions where I only come up with two or three ideas and other times when I may write down thirty or forty in one sitting. I’ll spend several days looking at and thinking about those ideas to see what begins to develop into a full story. When I can’t shake an idea that’s when I start to write. If the story is short, say under two or three thousand words, I can hammer that out in one or two days from writing through a full edit. If it’s a longer short story like Coven of Ignorance, about seven thousand words, then it can be a few days to maybe a week. I tend to be obsessive once I start on something so I’ll work on it non-stop until it’s finished. Writing for 12 hours or more straight is fairly normal for me or longer if a deadline is looming. The key is having a clear picture of the general story I want to write before I begin. When I have time I like to wait before proofreading and editing; a little time allows me to look at a story more objectively.
F1: So you’re a little on the OCD side?
F2: Only over my writing and art when I’m working on that. I’ve been called “anal” about my work on more than one occasion.
F1: Well I think you’ve shocked and enlightened our readers enough, any final thoughts you’d like to express?
F2: Hail Satan! And don’t believe everything you hear, everything does not taste like chicken… especially children.
F1: Well I’d like to thank Feind for taking the time to do this. If you don’t hear from me soon please call the police!
F2: That’s more of a tricky question. It really depends on the length of a particular story. It all starts with the idea. Sometimes I’ll sit and brainstorm several ideas in a row just to see what sticks in my head. I’ve had sessions where I only come up with two or three ideas and other times when I may write down thirty or forty in one sitting. I’ll spend several days looking at and thinking about those ideas to see what begins to develop into a full story. When I can’t shake an idea that’s when I start to write. If the story is short, say under two or three thousand words, I can hammer that out in one or two days from writing through a full edit. If it’s a longer short story like Coven of Ignorance, about seven thousand words, then it can be a few days to maybe a week. I tend to be obsessive once I start on something so I’ll work on it non-stop until it’s finished. Writing for 12 hours or more straight is fairly normal for me or longer if a deadline is looming. The key is having a clear picture of the general story I want to write before I begin. When I have time I like to wait before proofreading and editing; a little time allows me to look at a story more objectively.
F1: So you’re a little on the OCD side?
F2: Only over my writing and art when I’m working on that. I’ve been called “anal” about my work on more than one occasion.
F1: Well I think you’ve shocked and enlightened our readers enough, any final thoughts you’d like to express?
F2: Hail Satan! And don’t believe everything you hear, everything does not taste like chicken… especially children.
F1: Well I’d like to thank Feind for taking the time to do this. If you don’t hear from me soon please call the police!
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